Why is it that sometimes I wake up feeling angst, guilt and not that great. It’s as if my ego rushes towards me with a memo of self loathing as soon as I open my eyes. A guilt of not eating well enough, too much chocolate, not walking or not doing yoga or Pilates enough… missing out on reading a book with Grace during the week etc., and the longer I stay in bed, the more intense the list gets. And the classic one is guilt for having all these thoughts and feelings.
Why can’t I wake up more often with self love and joy greeting me? I figure it’s that continuous part within me that’s still in fear about completely moving into a space of love, beauty, and nirvana within and, that by plugging into my rap sheet, I will stay in my place of smallness. And what’s more insidious, is the hidden historical consciousness of Sin within our cells. It seems that the more I release, forgive, understand and see myself and my life, then more of the old programming of sin and its accompaniment gets triggered.
So I take a deep breathe, exhale and listen…..
“You are at times caught in a loop. A pattern that compromises your life force, throwing the axis of your alignment off balance, causing doorways of discontent and the rehashing of feelings of disempowerment. This comes from the archives of your being that have stored all your misdemeanours throughout your timeline.
This was a collective creation when power was given to forces outside of self and the movement away from nature and her occurring cycles.
Within you is the golden key to sovereign of self. This is the awakening at this time and you are all going through this awakening whether it is conscious or unconscious. Weaving through the different plays and scripts of your life, there is a fear that is like a splinter that has merged into your flesh, blinding you from seeing that you are Divine. You might intellectualise this into a theory, or another belief which in turn becomes dogma or a force outside of self to adorn. Trust yourself, and know in viewing, that all in your life is an experience that you have created, to move out of the labyrinth of separation and illusion. The illusion that you are a sinner and the kingdom of heaven is only accessible after you have scrubbed yourself into a Saint.
Love both the sinner and saint within. Allow them to embrace with no thought. You are having experiences of all ways to move into the home coming of you, into the I Am Presence. It is all within.
So wake up sleepy head and enough with feeling bad and the guilty thoughts like the should I or shouldn’t have, from yesterday or way back in 1986,1995 and 2008. Have a stretch and refrain from telling Grace to clean her room and get out of her pyjamas. Let go of your need to control. Really, it’s just a side affect of not feeling good enough.
ENOUGH! Breathe and listen…
Love, embrace, accept, all of you. Keep your door open within. Let the Sun in and make soup. Sing and celebrate the prodigal Nancy that is you, returning…”
I like this view.